Reproduced with the very kind permission of Rachel Hart-Phillips from LoveLoss Disco Balls. Please visit their website lovelossdiscoballs.co.uk for other lovely cards and articles about how greetings cards can support mental health.
Mother’s Day is one of those days that, for many, brings warmth, love, and celebration. But if you’re grieving - whether for your mum, your child, the version of motherhood you thought you’d have, or a difficult relationship, it can feel like an emotional minefield.
For me, it’s not just the day itself that’s hard. It’s the build-up. The weeks of reminders, shop displays full of cards and gifts, emails nudging you to buy flowers, social media posts filled with perfect moments. It can feel like the whole world is celebrating something you’ve lost.
If you’re feeling this way too, you’re not alone. And while nothing makes it easy, I’ve found a few things that help take the sting out of this time of year. Maybe they’ll help you too.
1. Give Yourself Permission to Feel However You Feel
Grief doesn’t follow rules, and there’s no ‘right’ way to feel in the lead-up to Mother’s Day.
You might feel deep sadness, longing, or even anger. Maybe you feel guilty for not feeling more, or maybe you feel relieved because your relationship with your mum was complicated. Perhaps you’re dreading the day but know from experience that it won’t be as bad as you fear. You might even feel like getting dressed up to go out and celebrate her (and you!)
Whatever you feel - it’s valid. You don’t have to justify it to anyone, including yourself.
2. Make a Plan (Even If That Plan is No Plan at All)
Sometimes, the hardest part of grief is the anticipation of the hard days. Not knowing what to expect can make it feel even heavier.
One thing that helps is deciding ahead of time what you’ll do on the day. That might be making a plan to visit somewhere meaningful, spending time with family, or even giving yourself permission to do nothing at all.
Mother’s Day doesn’t have to look any particular way at all. It can be a day where you simply get through. That’s enough.
3. Reduce the Noise
The reminders can feel relentless, so if they’re making things harder, mute them.
Unsubscribe from Mother’s Day emails (most brands have an option to opt out). Avoid scrolling social media if it feels like too much. If certain places - like supermarkets with their big displays - trigger you, see if you can order groceries online or ask someone to go for you.
You don’t have to expose yourself to things that make the day harder. Protecting your peace isn’t weakness - it’s looking after yourself.
4. Create Your Own Way to Honour Them (or Yourself)
If you want to mark the day but don’t feel connected to the traditional version of Mother’s Day, try creating your own rituals.
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Light a candle in their memory
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Write a letter to them, even if you never show it to anyone
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Cook their favourite meal
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Have a dance (and a cry) to their favourite music
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Do something they loved - whether that’s going for a walk, gardening, or even just watching their favourite TV show
And if you’re grieving a version of motherhood you never got to have, honour yourself. Do something kind for yourself, whether that’s buying yourself flowers, taking a quiet moment for reflection, or simply acknowledging that this day is hard.
5. Reach Out to Someone Who Understands
Grief can feel isolating, but you don’t have to go through this alone.
If you have a friend who understands, let them know this week is hard for you. If you’re struggling, talk to someone - whether that’s a close friend, a therapist, or even an online grief community.
Sometimes, just knowing someone else gets it can make all the difference.
You’re Not Alone in This
If Mother’s Day is hard for you, it’s important to remember that you’re not alone, and you will get through this.
However you choose to spend the day, be as kind to yourself as you would to a friend in your shoes. And if you need support, don’t be afraid to ask for it.
Sending you so much love if you’re struggling x
